The Life of a Ladybug

live with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. practice wellness. play with abandon. laugh. choose with no regret. continue to learn. appreciate your friends. do what you love. live as if this is all there is. -mary anne radmacher

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Hormone Hell

I think I'm in Hormone Hell. For the past few days, I have been riding a "mood wave." I'm way up one minute and way down the next minute. I go from laughing and "happy happy joy joy" to "Get away from me before I cut you." Like today - I went to rehearsal with my tribal troupe. No big whoop. I'm usually really happy to be dancing with the girls - I love dancing with them ... I love dancing in general. Today ... today I wanted to scream. Not because I've lost my love for dancing. I still love it. But today, while getting ready for an upcoming engagement, we were going over some things and tightening up. The girls kept asking me to change things I was doing - not so many hips, more hips, more arms, less arms, move over here, move over there, "I can't see what you're doing", "I'd prefer if you did it more this way," etc., etc., etc. Any other day, it wouldn't bother me much more than a brief annoyance. But today I thought my head was going to explode. I realize that a lot of it has to do with me. The other girls in the troupe are "pure tribal." I'm the one who splits my time between cabaret and tribal. So, maybe it's my fault. Sometimes, I can't keep my cabaret from slipping into my tribal ("Hey ... you got your peanut butter in my chocolate!"). My tribal arms tend to fall into cabaret position. My moves become much girlier, prettier, more flirty. I guess I lose the "tribalness". And, to be fair, sometimes moves that I've learned in my cabaret classes come out of me. So, it's not their fault. I can't expect them to follow along with things that I've learned elsewhere. But, GOD, today ... today wasn't the day. It was not the day to criticize me - even innocently. By the time I got in my car to go home, I was on the verge of tears. They noticed that something was wrong with me - I passed it off as being tired, which I was. But, really ... goodness, I think I need hormone therapy. Not hormone replacement ... I seem to have plenty. More like hormone depletement.


At January 17, 2006 9:09 AM, Anonymous rachel said...

Ugh, that is a drag! I hope you feel better soon. Gotta love the hormones... :P

At January 17, 2006 10:42 AM, Blogger Zahiya said...


Sorry you are feeling like that - it's definetly hard! But - also take into account that it's hard to take those comments anyway - I don't blame you for feeling upset...

hugs :)


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