The Life of a Ladybug

live with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. practice wellness. play with abandon. laugh. choose with no regret. continue to learn. appreciate your friends. do what you love. live as if this is all there is. -mary anne radmacher

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

The Story of Sarai and the "Cream Blush"

Last night, Sarai and I were in the basement family room. I was on one side, on the computer, she was on the other, playing with her blocks. Or so I thought. I looked up and noticed that her sleeper was down around her ankles and she was swaying back and forth, doing her "bellydance." I said, "Mumma, put your sleeper back on. It's chilly down here." I watched until she pulled it back up over her arms and then went back to the computer. A few minutes later, I glanced over again - the sleeper was back around her ankles. I was irked and said, quite a bit more forcefully, "Sarai! Are you crazy? I said put your sleeper back on!" Well, she thought "Are you crazy?" was funny and proceeded to dance around singing it, "Are you crazy? Are you crazy?" over and over. I had to laugh. As she danced closer, I saw that she had what looked like rouge rubbed into her cheeks. I rolled my eyes. Vic had brought her home a chicken strip meal from Burger King and a jar of clay had come with it. I had made a point of telling her not to put the clay on her face or anywhere near her mouth. I just knew that she had disobeyed and rubbed the clay into her cheeks. So, I snapped, "What is that on your face, Sarai?" To which she replied, "Boo-boo." (Boo-boo is what we call poop.) I'm thinking to myself, "That can't be true. She rubbed that clay into her face and knows she's in trouble, so she has to think of something else to say." I say to her, "That is not boo-boo on your face, Sarai. Come here." She danced on over. I pulled her close and smelled her face. I have an honest child if nothing else. She had rubbed boo-boo onto her cheeks. I just sat there in shock for what had to be at least ten seconds. I was in utter disbelief. Here, in front of me, danced my child - my beautiful, lovable baby girl. And she had boo-boo ... poop ... kaka ... feces ... shit ... on her face!!! I began to shriek. I freaked all the way out and proceeded to scream at the top of my lungs, "OH MY GOD!!! WHY DO YOU HAVE POOP ON YOUR FACE??? ARE YOU CRAZY??? IT COULD HAVE GOTTEN IN YOUR MOUTH!!!" At this point, I am retching at the thought of her possibly having eaten shit. I am running up the stairs with her held out at arm's length, screaming the whole way. She is laughing her head off. When we got upstairs to the bathroom, I am trembling and shrieking, in shock. She is hysterical with laughter and continues to cackle the entire time as I literally try to scrub the skin of her cheeks and hands. I would have been proud of the job she'd done with contouring her cheeks, had she not used shit as her blush of choice. Yes, I did proceed to call everyone in my family to tell them. Unfortunately, those who were not home last night will be hearing about this over Thanksgiving dinner. I hope they don't have any gravy on their plates. And, by the way, I will be saving this in my mental databank to be retrieved upon the visit of her first boyfriend. Oh yes, this story will be used to embarrass her in front of potential suitors. It is a requirement. And, I think, my just reward, for having a totally shit-faced child.

6 Comments:

At November 23, 2005 8:31 AM, Anonymous koz said...

This is hysterical ... and slightly scary. But, yes, definitely worthy of repeating to all potential mates.

p.s. I ctrl-F'ed "shit" and am so happy to say you wrote it four times. If nothing else exciting happens today, I can say that I read the word "shit" from Toya four times.

 
At November 23, 2005 8:34 AM, Blogger Toya said...

HA! And this will probably be the *only* time you will read that word (at least used this many times in one post) on this blog, since I don't like it. But, what other word could accurately describe my horror?

 
At November 23, 2005 2:16 PM, Blogger Tonyette said...

LOL!!!!!!!!! Oh my gosh!!! My favorite part of the story: your MANY euphemisms for "feces"! ROFL!! And is something wrong with me, as I was wondering "why did she do it? why didn't Toya ask her 'WHY?'?" the entire time I was reading.

 
At November 23, 2005 2:17 PM, Blogger Toya said...

I didn't even have the presence of mind to ask her, "why?" I was too freaked out!

 
At November 23, 2005 10:40 PM, Blogger Ericka said...

Tears! LMAO! I love her!

 
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